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Shock. Anger. Fear. Grief. These are all natural feelings After learning that you have metastatic breast cancer, yet coping with these strong emotions can be one of the biggest challenges you’ll face. It’s tempting to want to hide away or deny all that’s happening. And there may be days when you do just that.
But it may help to know that many people diagnosed with metastatic breast are able to continue living meaningful and fulfilling lives despite the challenges and uncertainties.
Here are some common feelings that people with metastatic breast cancer report having.
Anger
You’re upset that you have to go through treatment again. Perhaps you find yourself lashing out at those around you or becoming furious with things that wouldn’t have bothered you before. If you’re religious, you may question how a benevolent, all-powerful being could allow this to happen to you.
Anger is an important stage of grief. Give yourself some freedom to express it. Unprocessed or suppressed, anger can destroy paths to happiness that you otherwise might find. In addition, anger can consume energy and contribute to depression.
Exercising, talking with someone you trust or sorting through your thoughts in writing may help you work through feelings of anger and resentment. If you need additional help, reach out to a therapist or social worker, or ask your health care team for the name of a mental health professional.
Sadness and depression
You may be mourning the life you knew and feeling overwhelming sadness that you might not be able to accomplish all that you had planned, or see your loved ones reach significant milestones, such as college graduations or retirement. Depression can leave you feeling hopeless or numb. You may cry more than you usually do, feel unmotivated or have the urge to pull away from family and friends. Sleep can be disrupted, and you may feel a lack of energy.
Given what you’re going through, feeling sad is entirely normal. You may find little ways to slowly work through your emotions and care for yourself, such as leaning on the support of friends and family, being in nature, or enrolling in an art or exercise class that makes you feel better. Sometimes, it helps to know you’re not alone. Nonprofit organizations such as Living Beyond Breast Cancer or Young Survival Coalition often share stories online or offer virtual meeting places where you can learn about people living with metastatic breast cancer and how they are coping with the challenges they meet.
Sometimes, feelings of sadness and apathy run deeper. In these cases, it’s essential to talk to your doctor or another member of your health care team. Talking with a psychologist or counselor can be an effective way to help you cope. In some cases, taking an antidepressant can be helpful.
Loneliness
Even though family and friends do their best to understand what you’re going through, it’s impossible to really “get it” unless they’ve been through it too. After your diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, you may even notice that you see less of some people as they struggle to come to terms with your situation. Sometimes, people fear that they’ll say the wrong thing or feel awkward around you.
If you miss the presence of family members or friends, reach out and let them know. You might want to take the lead in the conversation and share the things that you feel comfortable talking about. Some people may hold back, feeling they can’t talk about what’s going on in their lives because it sounds too minor compared to what you’re going through. Let them know it’s OK to talk about other things or that your sense of humor is still quite intact. Being vulnerable and honest together is good for your overall well-being and for your relationship.
Support groups, either in-person or virtual, can be beneficial too, as they provide the opportunity to connect with others who are in similar situations as yourself. Some cancer survivors consider support groups a positive aspect of a cancer diagnosis, as they meet people they might not have crossed paths with otherwise.
For many people — though not all — their network of fellow breast cancer survivors is a place of comfort and support.
Forced positivity
It may be tempting to put on a happy face in front of others so that you don’t worry your family and friends or seem too negative. But pretending to feel better doesn’t always result in actually feeling better. Some people with cancer may avoid addressing cancer concerns because they fear that perceived negativity will make them sicker.
Well-meaning friends and family may also encourage them to be more positive. While staying hopeful is undoubtedly good, it’s important to accept your feelings, whatever they may be, as they come — and to express yourself as needed.
While everyone copes differently, over time you may find that your feelings change. You may find emotional and physical strength that you didn’t know you had.
‘My cancer is back’
Often, another significant source of stress for people with metastatic breast cancer is determining how to tell loved ones and friends that the cancer has spread and is no longer curable. There’s no right or wrong way to approach the conversation. Look for a time when you won’t be interrupted and you’ll have plenty of time to talk and discuss what comes next.
Talking about your diagnosis with family and friends
Breaking the news of your diagnosis to family And friends can cause intense emotional reactions from your loved ones. Because this is already a stressful time for you, consider choosing one person close to you to tell first and have that person be there to support you when you share the news with others. This person may also be the one you ask to provide medical updates to Others or delegate tasks if you need help. It may take a little while for others to fully understand — for example, some medical terms, such as metastatic, may need to be explained — but once your loved ones have had time to process the news, consider talking about ways they may be able to support you.
This may be emotional support or help with daily needs, such as driving you to treatment, grocery shopping or picking up your kids from school. Be prepared for different reactions. Most likely, people will be eager to help in whatever way you need.
But there may be some who aren’t able to help you as you’d assumed or hoped. This can be upsetting, but it’s probably not about you. Maybe they’re avoiding you Because they have painful memories of a loved one who died of cancer or because they simply don’t know how to deal with the news. In any case, you can focus instead on all the love and support you’re getting from those people who are willing and able to help.
Mayo Clinic does not endorse companies or products. Advertising revenue supports our not-for-profit mission.
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